Monday, August 19, 2013

Old Memories

Today I want to talk to you about one of the memories I have from high school.  You see, this memory is one that haunts and hurts me, but also fuels me to lose weight.  Even now as I start to type it out, I can feel the pain I felt that day, the embarrassment, and the tears.

 When I was in 10th grade, I was not a popular kid.  In fact, I was pretty much a loner.  I had a few select friends that I was close to, and a few friends who I tried to fit in with, but couldn’t.  I was the quiet girl in the corner, the one who could get away with just about anything because I never gave anyone trouble. 

Well one day, I went out of the classroom to use the restroom down the hall.  As I was walking, I passed a group of fellow classmates who happened to be working on an art project.  I paid them no mind, they weren’t my friends but I had no reason to hate them at that point.  As I reached the end of the hall, I heard one of them do a cat-call whistle, so I turned to glance at what they were whistling at. 

Seeing me turn their way, they all looked at me and started laughing.  I was confused at first, and then one of them said “why would we whistle at you?” and apparently that sent them into hysterics as they continued to laugh about it.  I made my way to the restroom, holding in the tears I wanted to cry because when I cry, my face is red for hours.

The worst part was having to walk past them again on my way back to the classroom.  That was one of the few times I considered just leaving school and going home, but I didn’t.  I held my head up high as I walked past them, ignoring their chuckling and rude remarks.  I don’t even remember the rest of that day, except that when I went to bed, and was finally alone, I cried about it until I had no more tears left.

So why am I bringing up this painful story, you might ask?  Well the other day I had a friend ask me why am I losing weight.  And aside from the obvious answer of “to get healthy”, I wanted to say “I deserve that cat-call whistle”.  My 10 year high school reunion didn’t happen due to poor planning, so I’ll be looking forward to the 15 year anniversary in 2017, and I want to look hot!  

Smokin' hot!

Raiding Obesity

Not my best week last week, admittedly.  But every meal or snack is an opportunity to make better choices, and that’s what I will focus on this week!

8/12/13-200.0 (Start Fight!)
8/13/13-199.9 (Me: Stab, also ONEDERLAND!!)
8/14/13-199.9 (Boss: Stall-Time)
8/15/13-200.5 (Boss: Self-Heal)
8/16/13-201.6 (Boss: Self-Heal)
8/17/13 202.9 (Boss: Self-Heal)
8/18/13-202.4 (Me: Stab)
8/19/13-200.3 (Me: Stab)

Music Addition

Today’s Addition is remember When (Push Rewind) by Chris Wallace!  


Monday, August 12, 2013

Not Quite Onederland…

But I'll Take It!!!!!!

Sorry I haven’t posted for a few days!  With house-sitting for my parents, keeping an eye on my Uncle and Cousin, and ToM hormonal imbalance, I’ve just been a little crazy and needed a few days to myself to gather my thoughts.  Plus, I noticed that if I post every day, I don’t have quite so much to post about, and that can get boring!  No one wants to read boring posts!

Family Visits

So last week, from Saturday August 3rd to Saturday August 10th, my Uncle (my Dad’s brother) and cousin were visiting.  They drove the 3,000 miles from CA to PA, driving a rental truck filled with family keepsakes and heirlooms that were to go to my Dad (they also stopped at another location where they dropped off keepsakes for my Aunt’s side of the family).

I know I posted a little bit about their visit, with my cousin playing hooky to get out of going to New York, but that was really just the tip of the iceberg.  My cousin needs rules, he needs boundaries, he needs punishment, and there should be rewards.  Right now, my cousin gets what he wants, and doesn’t have to lift a finger to do it.  He stays up late, till 5-6am!  He doesn’t eat dinner, in fact he doesn’t eat anything that resembles real food at all (unless you count Doritos, beef jerky and energy drinks as a healthy diet)!  And he doesn’t keep good personal hygiene (he didn’t shower once in that whole week they were here).

At first I was furious.  How could someone let themselves get like that?!  How could my Uncle, who I love dearly, let his son practice these terrible habits that, without guidance, will persist into adulthood?!  I let that anger eat at me those few days where my Dad wasn’t there to act as a buffer, getting more and more irritated as I watched my cousin stay up till 5am, eat a bag of chips and drink a Monster energy drink, then go back and lay down on the couch where he promptly fell asleep until 4pm. 

On Friday night, knowing that the next day they would be flying home, I persisted in telling my cousin that he should shower.  I told him at 8pm when they got home from visiting a local music store.  I told him again at midnight-ish, after his dad went to bed.  And I reminded him for a third time around 3am, when I went to bed.  His response was “yea, I’ll take one later.”  I’m not the parent, I didn’t want to step on any toes or cause issues, but his dad should have been the one to tell him all.

The next morning, about 30 minutes before they had to leave, I came downstairs and found my cousin sleeping on the couch…still in the same clothes he had worn all week, and still without a shower.  I went in that room, nudged his shoulder and told him to go upstairs and take a shower because they had to leave soon.  He grunted, rolled over and went back to sleep.  I was done.

Fifteen minutes later his dad woke him up and told him to get his bag from upstairs.  My cousin dragged his butt upstairs, grabbed his bag (which my uncle had packed for him), came downstairs and complained about having to see our grandpa before they left. 

They hugged me before driving away(after which I needed to go take a hot shower to get that heeby jeebie feeling off my skin), and then I finally was able to mentally relax and let myself start to de-stress.  I set up my laptop in the family room, started updating World of Warcraft (because I haven’t played it on the laptop in a while), and gathered all the bed sheets, comforters and pillow cases from the two spare rooms to be washed. 

I felt very productive, even though I didn’t work out on the elliptical like I should have.  I was constantly going up and down the stairs to gather the laundry, bring the freshly cleaned sheets and things back upstairs, made the beds, tidied up the rooms, etc. It was my goal to make sure my parents had as little to do as possible when they got home, because I knew they’d be tired.  I know they appreciated it.

Raiding Obesity

This weeks’ Raiding Obesity section is going to look a little strange, and that’s because From Friday to Sunday, I did not count calories, and I did not weigh myself.  I didn’t count calories because I felt I needed a mental break from the numbers, and I didn’t weigh myself because I didn’t have my bathroom scale.  I’m kinda picky, I like my bathroom scale.  

8/5/13-201.5 (Start Fight!)
8/6/13-202.9 (Boss: Self-Heal)
8/7/13-204 (Boss: Self-Heal and Stall Time till 8/11/13)
8/12/13-200.0 (Me: Stab)

I’m back on calorie counting and weighing today, so you’ll see me back to the same ol’ schedule.  I do think I’m going to start posting a little less often so I have more to write about, but there will always be a Monday post with my Raiding Obesity stats!!

Music Addition

Today’s Addition is Love you Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez & The Scene.  Not a fan of the video, but the song is fun!


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The Backslide

Today’s scale number sucked, not going to lie.  I was hoping to see some loss from yesterday, especially since I did the elliptical and stayed in my calories (as much as I could guesstimate anyways), but I got on today and it said 204.


I have been a little lax in some of my measuring, which could attribute to some of the gain.  It could also be hormonal, cause I’m sure showing other signs of hormone imbalance (my face broke out in pimples for the first time in years…like what am I, 16? Ugh!).  It could also be stress…there’s lots of stress right now with my Dad and his family that’s visiting, and my Mom while she’s out in CA visiting her family.  And the old favorite: Water Weight.

Whatever it is, it needs to go away.  I’m spending the next few days at my parents to house-sit while my Dad flies out to meet my Mom in CA, so I’ll have access to the elliptical from tonight until Sunday.  As long as I can keep my eating on track, I should be able to get back down.

Is it weird I’m contemplating bringing my bathroom scale from home?  The thing is, my parent’s scale seems off, and I don’t want it to throw my progress.  I could just not weight myself for the next few days, but I’m not a big fan of that.  I like to track my fluctuations and know what to expect.  Ugh…decisions.  I’m already bringing my laptop, a big bag of clothes, a bunch of movies for the 24 hours where it will just be me alone on Saturday into Sunday…I don’t want it to seem like I’m moving in there lol! 

Ehh…I still have a few hours before I gotta head over there, so I guess I’ll decide then =P

Food Diary for 8/6/13:

1 Chocolate Pretzel Fiber One Bar-90 calories
1 Cheesesteak Hoagie-490 calories
3 Pierogies-285 calories
1 Turkey Hill Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream Sandwich-210 calories
1 oz Butter Toffee Almonds-160 calories
1 cup coffee w/ 2 Tbls creamer-60 calories
Total calories-1295

I did work out on the elliptical for an hour yesterday, plus had my sheltie outside running (Well, I would throw the ball, she’d go chase after it, and only bring it back to me about 75% of the time, which means I had to go get the ball myself lol!) for about 2 hours total, so my fitbit adjusted 364 calories which makes my NET total calories for yesterday 931.  Even with my guesstimates for the cheesesteak (that and the pierogies were from a local pizza shop, and the calories I used were from items already listed in the database), and I think my almonds were a little over an ounce, I don’t think I was over 1200 NET calories, so the gain I saw this morning had to be from something else.  Here’s hoping I figure it out soon!

Music Addition

Today’s Addition is I Need Your Love by Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding!


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

New York…or Not

So my Uncle on my Dad’s side is visiting with my cousin, and staying at my parent’s house this week.  I could go on and on about many things I think need changing, but I’m going to try and stick with this one story.

Gather around, everyone!

My parents are pretty technologically savvy, and enjoy many things.  They have a PS3, a Wii, a few movies, an IMac, and several things to do if someone is bored.  My cousin is 16 years old, and knowing that it is easy to get bored with even everything available, I brought over some PS3 games that my fiancĂ© isn’t playing right now and that he might be interested in.

Late last night he decided to give God of War a try.  Now I’ve watched my fiancĂ© play God of War, and I’ve seen how determined he is while playing it, so I know this game is addicting in a way.  I learned today that my cousin spent ALL NIGHT playing this game, and didn’t go to bed till 7:30am…90 minutes before him and my uncle were supposed to take a bus trip to New York City with my Dad.

No New York For You!

Instead of wanting to go to New York, my cousin faked feeling sick so he didn’t have to go.  My Uncle decided to go to the drug store to get cough medicine and stay home…and my Dad didn’t want to go by himself. 

My Dad is frustrated…my cousin and Uncle are completely opposite to how my Dad is, and I can only imagine how that friction in personalities and lifestyles are stressing my Dad out.  Dad is on vacation, he shouldn’t have to be so stressed!  Luckily he will be going out to meet my Mother in CA for the Celebration of Life in honor of my Aunt on Thursday, and I will be staying at my parent’s house to make sure my Uncle and cousin don’t need anything.

Food Diary for 8/5/13:

4 Oscar Mayer Lean Beef Franks-240 calories
2 ¼ cups Butternut Squash-150 calories
2oz Butter Toffee Almonds-320 calories
2oz Smokehouse Almonds-340 calories
2 Coffee w/ 4Tbls Creamer-120 calories
3oz smoked gruyere cheese-270 calories
Total Calories-1440

I did not do any exercise yesterday, so there are no exercise calories to subtract

Yesterday was not my best day.  I went over my calories by 240, and when I stepped on the scale today I was about a pound heavier from water retention.  I know it’s not fat because I was still in a calorie deficit for the day, but the almonds were very salty, and I knew I’d “gain” from that. 

Music Addition

Today’s Addition is Alive by Krewella!