Going Through the Motions

I’m sorry for not writing in my blog yesterday, it was busy, stressful, and I needed to think some things through.  I was hit hard with an emotional bat on Saturday, and I’m still hurt and upset by it.

Saturday we had dinner with his dad.  His girlfriend, and my fiancé’s sister and her husband were there too, but I always enjoy their company.  But his dad…

My fiancé is very vocal about his weight loss, and very proud of what he’s lost so far (20lbs).  I’m very proud of him too, don’t get me wrong!  My fiancé likes to bring up his weight loss any chance he gets, and likes to go all into how he’s working at the gym 2-3 times a week, and wanting to increase it to 4-5 times a week.  What he fails to mention is that his eating habits are terrible, and there are several days where he doesn’t go to the gym.  So his dad, naturally, is very proud of his son because he doesn’t see the bad things!  His sister then chimes in how she spent an hour on the elliptical today, and he was even happier!

Then he turns to me and asks “are you going to the gym?”

As soon as I say “no”, his face gets this angry-disappointed look, and he turns to talk to his girlfriend.  I barely get the chance to say I’m working out on the elliptical at my parents 3 times a week before he pretty much ignores me.  I don’t tell him about the Wii Fit, I don’t tell him about my walks, and I don’t tell him that I also have lost 20lbs (in the same amount of time as my fiancé, who is both heavier and a guy).

The worst part wasn’t the fact that he couldn’t see the almost 10% loss…he’ll see my weight loss eventually.  It wasn’t even that he overlooked my fiance’s order of the Admiral’s Feast (which is over 1,000 calories) and eyed my grilled salmon with two orders of broccoli like it was a 5-layer chocolate cake.  The worst part was that he literally seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me the rest of the night, and I had to pretend everything was fine while I felt like a complete outsider.  He was polite, but I didn’t feel like part of the family.

I don’t know why this is getting to me…I don’t think it was intentional, in fact I doubt he even realized he did it.  He is a very gruff man, so he displays anger and disappointment and frustration more than he expresses happiness or contentment.  It just hurts.

Raiding Obesity

7/29/13-204.3 (Start Fight!)

7/30/13-202.9 (Me: Stab)

7/31/13-202.7 (Me: Stab)

8/1/13-202.7 (Boss: Stall Time)

8/2/13-201.0 (Me: Stab)

8/3/13-202.4 (Boss: Self-Heal)

8/4/13-200.4* (Me: Stab, Bubble!)

8/5/13-201.5 (Boss: Self-Heal)

*I’m taking this weight with a grain of salt…I had to use my parent’s scale, and when I tested it with a hand weight to check for accuracy, the number was off.

So last week was a lot better than the previous week weight-wise, but emotionally it was rough.  I’d like to see myself in ONEderland by next Monday, if possible.  It’s super hard right now because I desperately want things that are not in my diet plan, like 5 Guys, Popeye’s, and greasy, high-fat fried food.  It’s getting harder and hard to decline these things, especially when my fiancé is bringing them into the apartment for himself.  Just an hour ago he waved a Popeye’s biscuit under my nose and was taunting me with it…was so pissed.

Food Diary for 8/3/13:

1 Dannon Light & Fir Greek Srawberry-80 calories
1 Red Lobster Grilled Half-Portion Salmon with extra broccoli-310 calories

1 Red Lobster Caesar Saladwith 0.5 oz dressing-100 calories

2 Scrambled Eggs-140 calories

2 Tbls Salsa-9 calories

Pinch of shredded cheddar-45 calories

1 Grande Skinny Cinnamon dolce Latte-120 calories

1 5oz Sutter Home Pink Moscato Wine-135 calories

Total Calories-939

I didn’t do any additional exercise, though I tried to get in as much walking as possible, so the fitbit didn’t adjust any additional calories.

Yesterday I cast Bubble, so I didn’t count calories but kept an eye on portions.  I felt I did pretty good, I didn’t gorge myself on anything.  I started with a banana, had some chips with salsa and cheese cubes, had a medium sized filet mignon (about 6-7oz) with a spoonful of red-skinned potato salad and some watermelon.  I did make brownies, and had one of those (although unlike my other family members I did not get whipped cream), and had some butter toffee almonds when I got home.  But I think it would fall within 1200 calories.

 

I did work out yesterday, but like the title of the post, I was just going through the motions.  Sure I did the hour on the elliptical, but I am not sure if I got my heart rate above 140, and I wasn’t going as fast or as determinedly as I would if I truly cared.

Music Addition

I’ve had this song in my head all weekend, and now you will too.  You see, when I heard it, I knew I’d heard the music before, but couldn’t place it.  Then Saturday Night it came to me…it was a musical score from a movie!  So without further ado, Sail by AWOLNATION, which sounds a lot like the theme from Last of the Mohicans (which I also included so you can also compare the two!)

And...

 

Enjoy!